Eke Van der Zee

My Approach to Counselling

"Hi, I am Eke Van der Zee and I am a psychotherapist." When I introduce myself as such, the response that I get is very often one of: "Oh, I better be careful what I say, you are going to analyze me." I like to dispel that myth. Psychotherapy is not analyzing somebody, labelling the "problem" and giving them advice as to how to "fix" the situation! People and life itself are usually more complicated than that!

There are many different  approaches to psychotherapy and people come to see a therapist for many different reasons. How do you know it is time to see a psychotherapist? Some of the reasons are:

1)when you feel bored, have no "joie de vivre" and know you want more out of life;

2) when you feel something (like a sense of fulfillment and lack of direction) is missing in your work life;

3) when your relationship lacks communication, intimacy and fun;

4) when there is a problem you (and your partner) cannot seem to resolve;

5) when you find it difficult to cope with day-to-day living;

6) when issues from the past impact the quality of your life today;

7) when you experience(d) emotional, physical, sexual abuse.

People often feel stuck, overwhelmed, depressed, angry when they come, and just having someone to listen and step into their world without making judgments or offering solutions right away is a relief.

Being heard and understood is very important to our sense of well-being and feeling cared for. And that is a big part of the work I do: I step into the other person's world; listen to how they experience their world; verbalize my understanding of their situation and their emotions and help them explore their
past, where they are now and where they want to go with their lives and their relationships. Listening, validating, exploring (feelings, thoughts, values, life situations) and problem-solving are all things that I "do" in my work with people.

I experience a deep sense of respect and feel honoured when I witness people's vulnerabilities, inner struggles, courage and I share in  their joy when they accomplish their goals.

With couples I work towards creating a safe environment where the individuals can learn to really "hear" each other and express themselves freely. They learn to trust their partner with their thoughts and feelings and thus create a more nurturing and loving relationship.

The benefits of the counselling process for individuals and couples include going beyond the hurt and anger and creating a more positive view of self and others. Relationships with others become more open, accepting, and more fun! Life just feels better!